May 2012
26 posts
I think my therapist and I are breaking up.
She cut my visits in half and took a six week break from seeing me. Think all my stories are played the fuck out. Maybe I’ll pick up a(nother) pill problem or something and just to keep her attention. Not out of some weird infatuation with her, just because I don’t want to go to the trouble of finding another one.
Most Addictive Drugs →
My personal favorite list. Everyone has a personal favorite most addictive drugs list right?
Reasons I'm Single
Currently laying in bed sobbing and yelling fuck you at “god”
“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you...”
Using the Dominos order tracker to see when I need to put the bowl down. Is there a word for clever yet sad?
Just found a website that can make me an ordained minister for $32. Going to be awesome when I forget I did it and that comes in the mail.
Seriously considering spending hundreds of dollars to replace my wrought iron patio fence with a wooden privacy fence so I can smoke and piss outside more freely. (Yes I said more freely with all implied connotations.)
Prozac Nation
One of my favorite books ever. I know Wurtzel gets criticized for being whiny and self-pitying, but that’s how depression makes you feel. Even the grandiose lines - “I feel like a defective model, like I came off the assembly line flat-out fucked and my parents should have taken me back for repairs before the warranty ran out.” - ring true for me. I think my (20s) generation needs...
Relationships
I think at some point everyone ends up having the same 5 relationships. (Although one can represent more than one trait.)
1. The one that got away.
2. The one that really hurt
3. The one that fucked you up.
4. The unrequited love.
5. The ill-timed one.
I’ll let you know what happens when you get them all, just finished the checklist.
Phrases I Hate: Part 2
“It could always be worse”
I’m sorry but just because someone else in the world is worse off than I am doesn’t make my life any better. How do you even quantify an individual’s quality of life? Health? Success? Love? All subjective terms. How do you rank diseases if you quantify it by health? I don’t know what it feels like to have cancer, or be paralyzed,...
I’m on Twitter by the way: @HighLonesomeOne
I’m not ashamed to say that I think “Fortress” by Sister Hazel is one of the best albums of the last 15 years. It was at that perfect point when they were between indie guitar rock and hyper-polished arena rock. Spotify/YouTube “Your Winter” (it’s too much trouble for me to find it and the link on my phone). Just one of those songs you can’t find anything...
One might think that an ex moving away would be a good thing. But if you get too many there’s always one that’s in a time zone that it’s still acceptable to call at 1am.
One might think that an ex moving away would be a good thing. But if you get too many there’s always one that’s in a time zone that it’s still acceptable to call at 1am.
Decided to see what kind of jobs you can get with an associates in psychology. Secretary and customer service rep were my top two options.
“[first lines] Rob: What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about...”
– From my 4th favorite movie of all time, High Fidelity. Random trivia: Fall Out Boy references the movie several times: in “Sugar We’re Going Down” Pete Wentz (he may not sing it but he wrote it) references it with the line “I’ll be your number one with a bullet”,...
“like all post-grunge hard rock of the late ’90s/early 2000s, it was...”
– From the allmusic.com review of Staind’s greatest hits. That I really discovered music at the beginning of that time span explains a lot.
At least I can blame that blackout night on Cinco de Mayo. Thanks Mexico!
I do menial labor for spending money, don’t pay rent, and smoke a lot of pot. I’ve regressed 10 years.
Phrases that I hate #1
“To love someone you must first love yourself.” - author unknown*
Why the fuck do I have to love myself to love someone else? Am I incapable of love because I’m not narcissistic enough to love myself? This is telling a nation of depressed people that their love is meaningless.
*I’m going with author unknown because I can’t find it attributed to anyone before...
April 2012
34 posts
Gave my broken bowl a true stoner burial: chucked it into the ivy behind me.
I know it’s ridiculous, but I really want an AK-47. I’m not a gun guy at all, just respect it’s impact. Cheap, durable, and simple enough for children to use; changed the world, and still is.
My favorite part about being on Seroquel: wondering if this new clicking noise I make with my tongue is just a nervous tick or tardive diskinesia slowly taking control of my muscles.
And High Lonesome by Gaslight of course. Anyone else catch all the references to other songs in that one? I count 5.
There’s drunk, then there’s Australian drunk:
http://www.cnn.com/video/data/3.0/video/bestoftv/2012/04/25/ac-ridiculist-hangover-penguin.cnn/index.xml?hpt=hp_c3#/video/bestoftv/2012/04/25/ac-ridiculist-hangover-penguin.cnn
Disturbs me that not taking my crazy pills one night leads to waking up in the middle of a panic attack 6 hours later
Ever wake up at 5am so lonely you want to cry? Umm, naw, me neither…
Not a big fan of later Matchbox Twenty, pretty much since they switched it from 20, but just the way Rob Thomas sings “I got a hole in me now,
I got a scar I can talk about” in Bright Lights is awesome. Sounds sad and angry all at once.
I don’t trust my judgement on how much I like a girl anymore. Think I take one trait I like and project the rest on them.
You ever just want to scream at someone I’D BE GOOD FOR YOU IF YOU WOULD LET ME?
My thoughts on all this Zoloft controversy:
1. The lawyers that first decided to go after the most prescribed antidepressant in the United States had some balls.
2. If there actually was a recall it’d have to be one of the biggest in history. 30 MILLION plus prescriptions a year.
3. It would be a sad end (although I’m sure it’d be back with a new black box warning) for a drug that has probably saved countless lives.
4....
This morning I thought my dad was going home from the hospital after having a stomach ulcer taken care of. An hour ago I held his hand as they took him off life support. I had to make that call. How do you fucking live with that?
Friend: So what are you going to do about (your thing for this girl at work)?
Me: Most likely I’ll just talk a lot without actually doing anything except maybe trying to get more unreliable second hand information
I swear I have friends by the way. I just wanted to do this anonymously. My “real” twitter has like 25 followers, and only half are spam bots!
@HighLonesomeOne
Finally created that twitter account. Do I really need to act like I have hoards of followers to announce this to? Sorry to you both, I’ll make a more personal announcement next time. Big fan by the way Quinty, second funniest chick on twitter.
I’m going to sober up by the time I get through this fucking line at Cookout
Just texted said ex to say good for us for disproving the you can’t be friends with an ex rule. Somehow it came out weirder than me confessing my love for her.
I get to be a groomsman in yet another friend’s wedding. Aside from the usual reminder of how deeply alone I am it made me wonder who would my groomsmen would be. I only have three friends that are obvious choices, and one is my ex ex ex girlfriend. Pretty sure that’s not going to fly, even with the sad sad girl who marries me.
I respect Tim McGraw as an artist and think he does some excellent covers (Tiny Dancer), but the popularity of his bastardization of “When The Stars Go Blue” bothers me. I think the best covers give the song a different sound, maybe a different tone that makes you hear it differently. Ryan Adams just sings it too perfectly, it can’t be improved on.
You ever look at your life and just think shit, I’m not going to make it?
You know how people say your your true friends are the ones that are there when times are hard or whatever? Pretty sure all I’ve got left are true friends, because my life is an ongoing crisis
Pot definitely lowers my anxiety, but for that first little bit it raises my heart rate, which my brain is conditioned to interpret as a panic attack.